Freedom From Parents Nagging

Freedom is when my parent stops nagging me for everything
· ‘get your homework done first and then you can go play’
· ‘put your things away properly and then you can play on the computer’
· ‘finish that food on your plate or you are going to sit there forever’
·  ‘put your shoes on the rack’
· ‘put your jackets in the closet’
· ‘clean your room’
· ‘why are the toys not cleaned up’
·  ‘fix your bed after you wake up’
· ‘put your dirty clothes in that hamper’
· ‘don’t mess up the entire closet when you take out a shirt’
 
The list goes on…
Basically the point is the kid just wants to be living in a fairy tale world and not do anything. Or may be they are thinking of their mom as Mary Poppins who just snaps her finger and the things are done. Guess what my lovely darling children I am not Mary Poppins and this is not a fairy tale world. While you can definitely have a mom who won’t nag about things; to be organized, clean, and taking care of your own stuff are some important lessons to learn and I am not going to wait for your spouse to teach you these very basic fundamentally important lessons in life (pun intended).
 
As the nagging mother of my kids who wants the house to be in order, I have found some weird tricks to get them to do things that they may otherwise find very bothersome or boring. However, it may not work for everyone but it has definitely worked for my boys.
 
For some important things like school work required to be completed at home I have had to step back and let them learn from their own mistakes. This was one of the tough lessons to teach my kids. But it has done wonders and the lesson came to my kid in fourth grade. It was a challenge for me but I had to let him go to school knowing that he was lazy and had not finished his homework. Truly it was a very difficult day for me, I was very nervous and worried all day not sure if I did the right thing. But it was worth it because the reward was just amazing. Yes my boy came home very upset. He had just experienced what it felt like to be a failure. It was definitely not a good feeling (I am glad he associated failure with not so good feeling and took the step that he did). He promised to me and more to himself that he is never going to let that happen to him again and will always get his homework done on time. It was a very important lesson for him to learn. To this day all that unnecessary nagging is gone. Now suddenly I was the Good mom who never nagged about school work.

A totally win-win situation. Sometimes small failures are good motivators. Self-made mistakes and lessons learned from them stay with one forever. I am not advocating letting our kids make a whole lot of mistakes thinking they will only learn that way. But one has to decide what is worth nagging for and what is worth letting them learn themselves!
 
Now for other things. All I do for anything out of place is that I charge them with hugs and kisses. This rule may not apply to girls but with boys it definitely works. If any of the items in their room, bathroom, toys, clothes, and shoes are out of place, they have to pay for it. And they pay for it by rewarding me with a number of hugs and kisses. Even though they don’t sound like punishment they are just more embarrassing for them especially as they grow. If those simple things don’t work I have taken it to the next level where I will declare that “since these things are not done you will have to give me a hug in front of your teenage friends”. Now that is something the teen doesn’t want to do and all that nagging is out the door. There is just no need for it.
 
Go for it. Be creative. And reward yourself. You can be creative and find various ways that will not only reward you but will turn routine things that instead of creating frustration will be just light and fun. So with these smart kids of ours just become smarter and instead of using loud voices just get them in action with things that might otherwise embarrass them. I definitely enjoy the rewards of being the not so nagging mom. Until nagging about hugs and kisses turn into a big deal for my kids. I will continue to do so…
Until next time. Have a wonderful Christmas and a joyful new year!

Allowed to Draw on the Walls with Crayons, Pencils and Markers

"Freedom to Express Oneself"

Kids have always wanted to scribble here and there. Couches, furniture pieces and sometimes on the walls too. I will not lie but I have not allowed such freedom to my children. Even though I have always wanted to do so myself, I've never given my kids the freedom to draw on the walls.  

As a child I remember how elated I used to be when I would be picked to write on the chalk board in school. Anyone recall those days? When you used to raise your hand just to be the one kid who is assigned to wipe off the entire chalk board of your class? I still love it when I get to write on dry erase boards. Even at work I feel I can communicate better when I put my ideas on a board. Truly there is no feeling like picking up a pencil and a paper. It is still the best way to express how one feels and it’s not limited to kids. I would say its for all of us. Allowing the child in you to enter that world of limitless imagination which is not bound by the restrictions of this world.

It is amazing to witness what these little incredible minds of our kids with big imaginations can create when given that opportunity. Such beautiful thoughts when put on paper helps them not only resolve their inner fights and concerns but gives this world a vision of a beautiful place to live in. In today’s age kids don't have that many chalk boards where they can get messy with the chalk dust but they do have dry erase boards and most of them have Smart Boards (they are definitely SMART in keeping our kids clean).

So the thought here is giving the freedom to express. Allowing the child in you to express along with your own children. I don't allow my kids to write on couches, furniture or walls. However, keeping crayons and paper always handy or taking some index cards with markers wherever we go allows them to remain at ease while waiting for food at restaurants or waiting in long lines. These times have created wonders and brought us some of the most rewarding experiences.  I recall and cherish those moments where we have gifted our little creations to those people who had very lovingly served us our dinner or lunches.  Some more personal, motivating and supporting creations were mailed to hospice patients in California. And their comments have only brought tears of joy in our eyes. No words can express the feeling of reaching out to someone who has no support (family or their own health) with just a short note full of colors. Your simple colorful card may just brighten someone's day including your own.

If I had the choice I would keep a room in my house where walls would have clear white paint and black paint (it is very easy to get a chalk board paint). The room would only have paper, markers, crayons, pencils, paints, chalks etc. We would name the room as “our creativity room”. People visiting or people living in the house would be allowed to express whatever they had to on these walls. Over time these walls would be full of beautiful imaginations and creations. If more space is needed all we have to do is paint over it all and start again! 

All I have to say today is free yourself and express in whatever shape or form you wish to. Sit down with your children, pick up some paint, and let your imagination go wild on paper. It does not have to be perfect. Whatever you create is going to be as beautiful or as cool as a well known artist because it comes from this unique soul that is YOU. Love yourself and give yourself the Freedom to Express. And while you do it share it with others, you might just make someone SMILE!

P.S. After my child read this blog he immediately asked me “Mom, so are you o.k. if I drew on the walls of my room?”

Getting Through My Day with "I Don't Know"

This one is a Freedom request from my teen.
He says “Mom. Can I get through an entire day with just saying I don't know?”
Do you want to eat this? I don't know
Do you need help with anything? I don't know
Do you know when you have your tests? I don't know
What did your teacher think about your projects? I don't know
What are you going to do for your competition? I don't know
Do you know which friends are coming to your birthday party? I don't know
Do you know what you want to do? I don't know
Do you know anything? I don't know

Any question I ask, he wants to be able to answer with “I Don’t Know” and says that not knowing Everything is OK sometimes. He feels free when he doesn't have to give answers to questions that sound trivial to him. Although, that question could be important to a parent! But that doesn't matter, does it?

Usually every question that I ask him can be answered with Yes or No and the rest can be answered with his favorite “I Don’t Know”. It does annoy me a lot. And over time I have learned to ask questions that requires his attention and a little more effort. Overall, the IDK (in today’s texting world) answer does get him in trouble cause it is not helpful with anything. I would usually react with “You have got to know something, anything?” In this case I want to ask you parents out there - have you come across this? Does your child try to get away with a Yes, No or IDK answer? I don't remember being able to get away with this answer atleast when I was young. Although I would have loved to. And because I was not able to get away with such an answer how can my son be allowed to get away with it. So my stand is that you better answer with something.

On the other hand I do understand where he is coming from. He's a teen and really enjoys being in his own world. Most of the time, he is able to give some sort of answer so he can rush back to whatever activity he was doing. If the question doesn't seem important to him, he'll only give a forced answer just to satisfy you for a moment .

So a lesson here for us is
1. Learn to be ok with sometimes not having answers to questions and if you really want your kids to answer
2. Develop a skill of asking specific questions that cannot be answered with Yes, No or I Don’t Know.

Enjoy learning and becoming an expert at asking specific questions that can turn into conversations rather than a short Yes, No and IDK!

Blowing Bubbles in a Cup Full of Water with Straws

Raise your hand if you have done this. And did your parents stop you from doing this?
I am guilty I have always wanted to do it and I don't allow my children to do it either. May be you do want to stop them when you are out eating dinner with friends and family. I understand it may not be appropriate while we are teaching some good table manners to our child. Agree.

In that case make time for some fun when there is no one around. And its just you and your child. I bet both you and your child will have a blast blowing bubbles with a straw. Not only in a cup full of water but especially if it were a cup full of chocolate milk. Now that is fun. Next time make sure you catch yourself when you are stopping your kid from doing it just because it could be very messy. Yes it would be messy but enjoy that moment with your kid. And see how they light up. Be in the moment and let the child in you do it too. Oh and about the mess that you both created, take care of it together!!

While you are teaching your kid to enjoy the moment you are also teaching yourself that its ok to have fun doing things that you were not allowed to do as a kid yourself. And in the end make cleaning up fun as well.

Goal is to have fun and live the moment while you can.

Love and Smile.

More to come...stay tuned

What is Freedom?

As described in Dictionary
Freedom is
1
a : the state of being free : LIBERTY, INDEPENDENCE 
b : ability to move or act freely 
c : the state of being released from something usually unpleasant  
d : the quality of being frank or open  
e : use without restriction
2 : a political right 

Reference
http://www.wordcentral.com/cgi-bin/student?book=Student&va=freedom

Freedom In the Eyes of a Child

It was April 2012 when I first started wondering about what I wanted to do in life. Writing occurred to me at that time. But I had no idea on how to write a book or what can I write about. Just a random thought occurred as various different words started appearing in front of me. “Freedom” being one of them. Freedom has always been a very important word in my life. Freedom of doing whatever one likes to do. What would I do in my life if I had the freedom to do anything and everything possible and even impossible!! And as I am thinking I asked my kids what do freedom mean to you. To my amazement they mentioned some of the most fun, exciting and wonderful things they would do if they had the freedom. I realized that these were the very things I would have loved to do if I were ‘allowed’ to as a child. I figured there are so many things we adults would not allow our children to do mainly just because it doesn't fit the norms of the world. And so many things are lost in us as we started our lessons on how to be an adult way too early in life. This blog is an attempt to voice what the kids think the word means to them!! So enjoy and see if the child in you would enjoy doing the same. Have fun while you can and enjoy the ride with your child! Love Light and FREEDOM Rupa