Freedom is when I am not COMPARED to others

I am a unique soul born as a beautiful baby.  I am totally loved for who I am, how cute I am and how amazingly smart I am for my age.  Even the slightest silly thing I do is cute, or a short word that I might speak would light up the whole room. There is no expectation from me as a child. I am free to be me.   

But one fine day that freedom of being me is taken away. I am suddenly a grown up kid that now starts going to school.  Suddenly my life is now surrounded with people who gauge me, my goodness, my abilities etc. based on the people around me.  Suddenly I am entered into this lifelong world of competition where people strive to be better than others.   Maybe everyone who registered my name for this competition had good intentions in their minds for me, maybe they wanted me to see my potential and become my best.  However, I will say, it wasn't the most encouraging place to be in. It didn't even motivate me to strive for anything. 

So you may ask “What am I talking about?”  Well I am talking about the time when suddenly  everything I did was just not good enough.  Suddenly I was compared with everyone around me.  My siblings, my cousins, my neighbors, my friends and even my fellow classmates were all being compared against me.   Everyone started to notice that my grades were not as good, or I was very different from my siblings or I didn't eat as well as they did.  Who knows, maybe they were all too well behaved and never got in trouble.  They were capable of being the gold and silver medalist of the school but I did not even stand a chance amongst the first 100. I wasn't the best cook coming out of college. I wasn't  the strongest person because I cried at other’s pain let alone mine.  

I wasn't the best at a lot of things in life because I was still learning from my experiences. And the well-wishers that I was surrounded with never missed a single chance to point out things that were different in me.  Truly, my being different almost didn't sound as a compliment.   I was totally confused. Was this all being done for my good? If so why didn’t it feel like that?  I think everyone truly loved me and was doing their best to motivate me because they may have seen the potential in me that I didn’t see. I was confused.

My questions were all over the place.  Why is there such competition? Why do I have to be better than or like my siblings? Why do I have to be better than my neighbor’s kid or my cousin? Why do I have to be the best in this whole wide world? Why do I have to score the most, do every activity that every child is doing out there? Why do I have to prove my unique self?  Am I living my life or am I living other’s lives?   Who am I competing against? Why am I not allowed to be who I am? And when will I win? Or will I never win?  There are no rules to this game.  The comparison chapter in life comes and goes.

I am writing this today because I have seen that there is competition everywhere.  Maybe healthy competition is good, but only to the point where the individual’s self- confidence is not broken.  It’s only good till the child doesn’t feel lonely and doesn’t feel that they are not good enough just the way they are.  Be mindful of the difference between PRAISING, CRITICIZING and COMPARING.  If you really wish good for someone you care about and wish to show them their potential please learn to point it out with care and love and not with comparison to anyone or anything.  Point it out such that you are not demeaning or putting the person down.  Don’t pass comments just because you feel you have to say something.  PRAISE someone for what they are and think before you CRITICIZE for what the person isn’t.  

I understand this very well and I don’t think I am giving enough justice to this topic in my life. It’s a very sensitive topic for me and I end up feeling that “I am not good enough.”  Not good enough for WHO? FOR WHAT? WHY?

It is a very debilitating feeling when a unique soul who has its own special inner intelligence is declared as not being good enough.   Please don’t do that.  Your  very innocent and funny, but the softest comparison may truly hurt someone including your own little children.  Don’t make anyone feel that they are any LESS than anyone else, even in the simplest form.  I encourage you to AMPLIFY LOVE.  

I’d rather feel that I am GOOD just the way I am and there is more to EXPLORE, there is more to LEARN and there is always room for IMPROVEMENT.  Yes I have the ability to be inspired by people who are better than me, but that can only happen if I am already feeling good about myself.  Also friendly competition and constructive criticism can sometimes bring along freedom in the path ahead.  If I have faith in myself I am able to improve and strive to become better every day.  And I do strive to be on this journey of self-improvement on a daily basis not because people  said so, but because I feel I have more to discover in me and more to give and share with others.

Freedom today for me is when I am not compared with anyone out there and when I stop comparing myself with anyone as well. 

Freedom to Eat and Drink like a Teen Does

My mom is a health nut! Yes she’s training to become a Health Coach and on top of that she’s a Chemical Engineer!   She basically understands chemicals much more than a normal person around me would. Lately she’s exploring about ingredients on the food label.  It’s all good because she really cares about our health, wants to teach us to make the right decisions when it comes to food and understand to "Let thy food be thy medicine".  But at the same time I am a part of this group called teens! The TEENS of 2014!

In this world of experiments that she does with foods, I have ended up trying every single green smoothie she has made.  Some crazy green smoothies are made with extremely healthy dark greens like kale and spinach.  Other green juices involve wheat grass that need to be swished around in our mouths.  I have also tried the best proteins that involve quinoa (Pronounced as kin-wa but it looks like Kee-Nova to me). There are also some super foods like goji berries, chia seeds and hemp seeds as she calls them that I had never heard of, but they are now a part of my smoothie.  I cannot even start listing the rest of them, but a whole lot of ingredients in my life have changed because I know my mom cares a lot about me and my health.  All I can say is that if it’s healthy and good for my body I have tried it. And no complaints because I have been amazingly healthy with side effects of tons of energy, liveliness and positive attitude!

But guess what I am a teen and I live in a world where teen consume so many things just cause it looks cool. Some of such cool things that come to my mind are-

1. Coke- The No. 1 drink on my list contains Aspartame. Most of the chewing gums contains this sweetener too.  It is something that causes a whole lot of diseases I would not want my body to have.
2. Food coloring and dyes- My favorite cereals and candies have them. But mom says they are made out of petroleum products. Now why aren’t food colors made out of food? I don’t understand why we need synthetic materials in our food?
3. Natural Flavors that are made from Beaver Butt! Really! This one is in just about everything and its disgusting. I saw a video on Food babe. Ugh. Check it out for yourself at the link below.
4. Sweets that are made from HFCS. Oh No, I am turning into my mom! I know what HFCS stands for. Do you? High Fructose Corn Syrup. And this sweetener is everywhere in everything.

Life is turning into a very difficult place to live- all because I want to be a part of the community that is called teen!  A normal regular teen who can just go about freely and put whatever type of food in his/her mouth when he/she wants to. I want to be like a normal regular teen who doesn't find the need to know where his/her food is coming from.  A normal regular teen who doses on sugar as many times as he/she wants to. 

But living with a health nut (in all good ways) has definitely made me think. Even when I try to have a guilt free drink full of chemicals it is just not possible.  Over time I have realized that I do care about my health.  I tend to choose water over other sugary drinks that are just a concoction of chemicals. It seems to be important to me that I grow into a healthy individual full of energy.  While I don’t want to be called the son of a health nut I definitely don’t want to compromise my health. It is absolutely a struggle choosing to be a teen who is different.  But this time I will say while I wish to have the freedom to eat and drink the way a teen does I also would like to demand for cleaner foods and be a part of the change that our society needs so that all teens can make the right choice.  This year we have taken a step towards knowing where our food comes from by joining the Community Sustainable Agriculture program (http://www.localharvest.org/csa/) where we join hands with a farmer and get our organic vegetables from our local farmer.  

If you’d like to learn more about all these wonderful things go to www.rupavadodaria.com/blog. You will find a lot of tips on taking charge of your health. Check out these two infographics first.  

http://www.rupavadodaria.com/blog/2014/04/fructose-overload-infographic

http://www.rupavadodaria.com/blog/2014/04/coke-is-a-joke-alarming-aspartame-facts

See you soon. With more topics on freedom to explore!

References:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/08/28/soda-aspartame.aspx

http://www.mercola.com/article/aspartame/hidden_dangers.htm

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/02/24/are-you-or-your-family-eating-toxic-food-dyes.aspx

http://foodbabe.com/2013/09/09/food-babe-tv-do-you-eat-beaver-butt/

http://drhyman.com/blog/2011/05/13/5-reasons-high-fructose-corn-syrup-will-kill-you/

Freedom is when I am allowed to play on computer as long as I want to with no inflicted guilt.

Freedom is “when I can play on the computer as long as I want to,” according to my teenager. And his argument continues…

“Now if my mom can sit in front of the computer all day long for her job and do a desk job, why can't I sit in front of the computer and just play? If she, along with a million others, does their job while staring at the screens, why can't I? If working on computers cannot increase her eye prescription, why does it have to suddenly affect mine even though my computer is much more advanced than her 6 years old laptop? How is it my fault that I was born in this age, where we all have a phone that is as good as a slightly older computer, a way to see and help each other in homework is via Skype, the ability to talk is via Texting, we share our life via Instagram, we make our friend circle bigger via Facebook, and we make sure we stay in touch via Twitter? Most of all, we challenge each other by strategizing and actually using our brains to solve difficult problems that we are forced into while playing a game - plus our fingers get a workout!"

Truly, as a parent, I did not need to do much because he himself had to add this to his argument:

“Now I do agree that I need to make sure I manage my grades - and so I do. I am an Honors student, participate in a lot of extra-curricular activities, and am as social as a kid this age can be. No bragging but I also do the Odyssey of the Mind, which is a creative problem solving program that my mom coaches and get to work with a team of other friends my age. And I also enjoy books! Actually what I enjoy the most is when me and my mom read the same books and we are almost racing to finish them first. It is very nice to have someone in the family read the same book, so we can discuss it. I also enjoy playing music and am in our school's Jazz band. I want to make it clear that I do understand that playing on the computer for too long can be numbing. Sometimes it works as a thriller and some other times it actually feels very meditative because I'm totally isolated from the world around me. But I understand what my mom is worried about the most. She feels that playing on the computer absolutely narrows my world and that is what she is afraid of the most. I do understand!! And I understand the concept of MODERATION. Anything in moderation is good but when done beyond extremes can be unhealthy. So mom I agree with everything you have to say, and while I say that, I want to play as long as I want to. What I mean is I want to be playing without fear. I want to be playing without feeling guilty about it. I want to be playing just because I am a good kid, and I do everything else necessary to keep myself safe and healthy. And After a STRESSFUL day at SCHOOL I just want to enjoy some time playing. Even if playing in 2014 might not quite mean the same as it did for you in 1980’s.

"And one request for all parents: Teens in general like me just need a tap on their shoulder to remind them that we have lost track of time, and we just need to sometimes remove ourselves from what we are doing. As a parent you need to understand that our biology is all messed up, and all we need is just some more attention and someone to set some limits for us.

Freedom From Parents Nagging

Freedom is when my parent stops nagging me for everything
· ‘get your homework done first and then you can go play’
· ‘put your things away properly and then you can play on the computer’
· ‘finish that food on your plate or you are going to sit there forever’
·  ‘put your shoes on the rack’
· ‘put your jackets in the closet’
· ‘clean your room’
· ‘why are the toys not cleaned up’
·  ‘fix your bed after you wake up’
· ‘put your dirty clothes in that hamper’
· ‘don’t mess up the entire closet when you take out a shirt’
 
The list goes on…
Basically the point is the kid just wants to be living in a fairy tale world and not do anything. Or may be they are thinking of their mom as Mary Poppins who just snaps her finger and the things are done. Guess what my lovely darling children I am not Mary Poppins and this is not a fairy tale world. While you can definitely have a mom who won’t nag about things; to be organized, clean, and taking care of your own stuff are some important lessons to learn and I am not going to wait for your spouse to teach you these very basic fundamentally important lessons in life (pun intended).
 
As the nagging mother of my kids who wants the house to be in order, I have found some weird tricks to get them to do things that they may otherwise find very bothersome or boring. However, it may not work for everyone but it has definitely worked for my boys.
 
For some important things like school work required to be completed at home I have had to step back and let them learn from their own mistakes. This was one of the tough lessons to teach my kids. But it has done wonders and the lesson came to my kid in fourth grade. It was a challenge for me but I had to let him go to school knowing that he was lazy and had not finished his homework. Truly it was a very difficult day for me, I was very nervous and worried all day not sure if I did the right thing. But it was worth it because the reward was just amazing. Yes my boy came home very upset. He had just experienced what it felt like to be a failure. It was definitely not a good feeling (I am glad he associated failure with not so good feeling and took the step that he did). He promised to me and more to himself that he is never going to let that happen to him again and will always get his homework done on time. It was a very important lesson for him to learn. To this day all that unnecessary nagging is gone. Now suddenly I was the Good mom who never nagged about school work.

A totally win-win situation. Sometimes small failures are good motivators. Self-made mistakes and lessons learned from them stay with one forever. I am not advocating letting our kids make a whole lot of mistakes thinking they will only learn that way. But one has to decide what is worth nagging for and what is worth letting them learn themselves!
 
Now for other things. All I do for anything out of place is that I charge them with hugs and kisses. This rule may not apply to girls but with boys it definitely works. If any of the items in their room, bathroom, toys, clothes, and shoes are out of place, they have to pay for it. And they pay for it by rewarding me with a number of hugs and kisses. Even though they don’t sound like punishment they are just more embarrassing for them especially as they grow. If those simple things don’t work I have taken it to the next level where I will declare that “since these things are not done you will have to give me a hug in front of your teenage friends”. Now that is something the teen doesn’t want to do and all that nagging is out the door. There is just no need for it.
 
Go for it. Be creative. And reward yourself. You can be creative and find various ways that will not only reward you but will turn routine things that instead of creating frustration will be just light and fun. So with these smart kids of ours just become smarter and instead of using loud voices just get them in action with things that might otherwise embarrass them. I definitely enjoy the rewards of being the not so nagging mom. Until nagging about hugs and kisses turn into a big deal for my kids. I will continue to do so…
Until next time. Have a wonderful Christmas and a joyful new year!

Allowed to Draw on the Walls with Crayons, Pencils and Markers

"Freedom to Express Oneself"

Kids have always wanted to scribble here and there. Couches, furniture pieces and sometimes on the walls too. I will not lie but I have not allowed such freedom to my children. Even though I have always wanted to do so myself, I've never given my kids the freedom to draw on the walls.  

As a child I remember how elated I used to be when I would be picked to write on the chalk board in school. Anyone recall those days? When you used to raise your hand just to be the one kid who is assigned to wipe off the entire chalk board of your class? I still love it when I get to write on dry erase boards. Even at work I feel I can communicate better when I put my ideas on a board. Truly there is no feeling like picking up a pencil and a paper. It is still the best way to express how one feels and it’s not limited to kids. I would say its for all of us. Allowing the child in you to enter that world of limitless imagination which is not bound by the restrictions of this world.

It is amazing to witness what these little incredible minds of our kids with big imaginations can create when given that opportunity. Such beautiful thoughts when put on paper helps them not only resolve their inner fights and concerns but gives this world a vision of a beautiful place to live in. In today’s age kids don't have that many chalk boards where they can get messy with the chalk dust but they do have dry erase boards and most of them have Smart Boards (they are definitely SMART in keeping our kids clean).

So the thought here is giving the freedom to express. Allowing the child in you to express along with your own children. I don't allow my kids to write on couches, furniture or walls. However, keeping crayons and paper always handy or taking some index cards with markers wherever we go allows them to remain at ease while waiting for food at restaurants or waiting in long lines. These times have created wonders and brought us some of the most rewarding experiences.  I recall and cherish those moments where we have gifted our little creations to those people who had very lovingly served us our dinner or lunches.  Some more personal, motivating and supporting creations were mailed to hospice patients in California. And their comments have only brought tears of joy in our eyes. No words can express the feeling of reaching out to someone who has no support (family or their own health) with just a short note full of colors. Your simple colorful card may just brighten someone's day including your own.

If I had the choice I would keep a room in my house where walls would have clear white paint and black paint (it is very easy to get a chalk board paint). The room would only have paper, markers, crayons, pencils, paints, chalks etc. We would name the room as “our creativity room”. People visiting or people living in the house would be allowed to express whatever they had to on these walls. Over time these walls would be full of beautiful imaginations and creations. If more space is needed all we have to do is paint over it all and start again! 

All I have to say today is free yourself and express in whatever shape or form you wish to. Sit down with your children, pick up some paint, and let your imagination go wild on paper. It does not have to be perfect. Whatever you create is going to be as beautiful or as cool as a well known artist because it comes from this unique soul that is YOU. Love yourself and give yourself the Freedom to Express. And while you do it share it with others, you might just make someone SMILE!

P.S. After my child read this blog he immediately asked me “Mom, so are you o.k. if I drew on the walls of my room?”

Getting Through My Day with "I Don't Know"

This one is a Freedom request from my teen.
He says “Mom. Can I get through an entire day with just saying I don't know?”
Do you want to eat this? I don't know
Do you need help with anything? I don't know
Do you know when you have your tests? I don't know
What did your teacher think about your projects? I don't know
What are you going to do for your competition? I don't know
Do you know which friends are coming to your birthday party? I don't know
Do you know what you want to do? I don't know
Do you know anything? I don't know

Any question I ask, he wants to be able to answer with “I Don’t Know” and says that not knowing Everything is OK sometimes. He feels free when he doesn't have to give answers to questions that sound trivial to him. Although, that question could be important to a parent! But that doesn't matter, does it?

Usually every question that I ask him can be answered with Yes or No and the rest can be answered with his favorite “I Don’t Know”. It does annoy me a lot. And over time I have learned to ask questions that requires his attention and a little more effort. Overall, the IDK (in today’s texting world) answer does get him in trouble cause it is not helpful with anything. I would usually react with “You have got to know something, anything?” In this case I want to ask you parents out there - have you come across this? Does your child try to get away with a Yes, No or IDK answer? I don't remember being able to get away with this answer atleast when I was young. Although I would have loved to. And because I was not able to get away with such an answer how can my son be allowed to get away with it. So my stand is that you better answer with something.

On the other hand I do understand where he is coming from. He's a teen and really enjoys being in his own world. Most of the time, he is able to give some sort of answer so he can rush back to whatever activity he was doing. If the question doesn't seem important to him, he'll only give a forced answer just to satisfy you for a moment .

So a lesson here for us is
1. Learn to be ok with sometimes not having answers to questions and if you really want your kids to answer
2. Develop a skill of asking specific questions that cannot be answered with Yes, No or I Don’t Know.

Enjoy learning and becoming an expert at asking specific questions that can turn into conversations rather than a short Yes, No and IDK!

Blowing Bubbles in a Cup Full of Water with Straws

Raise your hand if you have done this. And did your parents stop you from doing this?
I am guilty I have always wanted to do it and I don't allow my children to do it either. May be you do want to stop them when you are out eating dinner with friends and family. I understand it may not be appropriate while we are teaching some good table manners to our child. Agree.

In that case make time for some fun when there is no one around. And its just you and your child. I bet both you and your child will have a blast blowing bubbles with a straw. Not only in a cup full of water but especially if it were a cup full of chocolate milk. Now that is fun. Next time make sure you catch yourself when you are stopping your kid from doing it just because it could be very messy. Yes it would be messy but enjoy that moment with your kid. And see how they light up. Be in the moment and let the child in you do it too. Oh and about the mess that you both created, take care of it together!!

While you are teaching your kid to enjoy the moment you are also teaching yourself that its ok to have fun doing things that you were not allowed to do as a kid yourself. And in the end make cleaning up fun as well.

Goal is to have fun and live the moment while you can.

Love and Smile.

More to come...stay tuned